2010 and i dont have a hoverboard. wtf.

Let me preface the amount of shameful things i’m about to admit with , i never take a vacation. The last vacation i had was spent going to the New York DMV every single day and trying to challenge myself to stay in a 7 hour line for something other than Boys II Men tickets.  The New York City DMV is so bad that one of the days i winced and waited,  the fire alarms were going off in the building and NO ONE LEFT THE LINE.   The entire staff of the DMV could have evacuated and still no one would have budged. First in line the next day with 3rd degree burns. i win.

Back to the holidays.  my blood alcohol content gave charlie sheen’s wife a run for her money. i began the holiday with an attempt to be responsible and use my christmas bonus to pay off my credit card.  before that lump sum could even get out of  ”pending” status … it was back up baby … only bigger , better , and boozier.  moments to be proud of.

since there’s no day like a holiday other than chinese new year, i continued to receive work related urgent emails throughout my christmas bender. while all of y’all were drunk texting your loves to be and wannabe, i was drunk texting apple and cherry and all the other fruit flavored names of my workers in china.  considering they can barely understand my somewhat perfect english emails , they must have really be fucked up over my drunk ones.

“apple chg the hem tlo be like a really pertty 1/8″ or no wait 1/4″ hem line thaats seredged to self. eyahaaaaaaai love that”

Oops. Sorry , bloomingdales your  spring/ summer shit might be slightly fucked up.  what’s that horrible jamie foxx song? oh yeah, blame it on the alc-alc-alc-o-hol—-alcccccccccohoooool .

sophie came to visit post boxing day. amaze balls. we spent most our time talking shit, making jokes about eating disorders, and drinking. that’s friendship baby. the bond that binds foreva- eva.

and the $$$$ balance just keeps building.

i wake up this morning and wonder what the fuck happened to my skin. im a 13 year old boy that just woke up to puberty knocking its heavy fist on my face. then i remember i haven’t exactly washed it for the past week, i just reapplied makeup on top of it. jessica simpson where you at ? pass the proactive.

Fast forward to now. the day pre return to work.  tomorrow, i will enter my office with welcoming arms from my Fall 2010 samples. im both nervous and anxious. the chunky cable knits may have us making chunks of money or blowing chunks. in a perfect world they  may have us doing both. theres always an element of surprise when it comes to opening boxes of samples from china.

“we know you want black but factory make mistake and make vomit green but we think so much better. wrong but better. please push to accept since look so much nice.”

all kidding aside. 2010 , im going to wipe the past decade under the bed and really start over. refocus on health and wiser decisions. like going to see a dentist about the fact i probably have gum disease and maybe even a missing molar, haha. oops. wait 28 hours in line at DMV if i have to. go to the bank and get that hello kitty credit card i’ve always wanted and a return to my maiden name, once and for all , or until foreign husband #2. invest money. quit letting people mooch off you. no point in paying the entire tab if its never going to get you laid.  finally get those tubes tied.  give your dog that bath she’s been needing for the past year.

shit, im practically a saint in 2010.

and for a reminder that im still a materialistic, superficial little brat with some level of sophistication and style . not just a mentally disturbed loner living in a bat cave.  pictures of things i want in 2010.